I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Too much gin, very little bucket
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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