i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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