dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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