I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
