Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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