a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
