All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
