Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
