note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize