"it" just moved
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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