How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
