You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
