hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
