Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
