We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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