I'm gonna have a badass scar
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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