I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
you had me at cake vodka
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
