my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
