Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize