your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
