his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
