She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
