I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
