Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
