stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
