Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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