Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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