In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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