Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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