i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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