i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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