saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
