Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
