i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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