She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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