did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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