We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
