this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
