My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
