she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
