I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
