I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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