hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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