yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
