nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
