She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
