im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
