i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
