Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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