We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Drunk is not a location!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
