i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
