I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
