she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
