smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
love makes seman taste better
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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