i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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