Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
