Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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