Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
