dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
