I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
