She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
