Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
