Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
