he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Drunk is a universal language darling
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
