I heard we made out
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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