what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
