Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
