people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize