i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
