Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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