I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
