I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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