Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
