His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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