You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
