Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
