Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
