Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
