I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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