Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize